Dan Quayle : US Vice President/Republican politician/lawyer
See the OOPS!
page.
TOP
Queen
Mother : British queen/wife of King
George VI/mother of Queen Elizabeth II
Aged 100, presenting prizes at
an old people's garden competition: Is it me or
are pensioners getting younger these days?"
TOP
As Dorothy in Men Behaving Badly:
So, Tony, has Gary sapped all your life
spirit, alienated your friends, and made you want to strangle him with an
electric flex yet? (Tony: No). No, no. You haven't been going out
with him for ten years, have you?
Rearrange these words into a sentence:
'Tony and Gary are morons witless’.
(Gary: Dorothy's usual please,
Les). (Les: Refresh my memory). Vodka, in a
chipped glass, with a dribble of flat tonic, and an after taste of
cigarette ash.
(Gary: The local pub is like, a
cathedral. It's where blokes go to be with other blokes, and chat about
the world as they see it over a pint). So it's
not really like a cathedral then, is it?
(Gary: Alright no, the local pub
is like a library … Now you don’t settle on the first library you see, do
you? No, you examine it, cooly, you see what booze it does, you check
that it smells right, you get a feel for the bar snacks, and then and only
then do you emotionally commit to it). So it's
not really like a library then either is it?
(Gary, watching tv: Way-hey look
at the top bollocks on that. You don't get many of them in a suitcase, do
you?) For God’s sake, it's a cartoon.
(Tony: It'll be really great, we
can play ‘Postman's Wok’, the snogging and cooking game).
How about 'Dead Tony', the three people sitting on Tony's
head until he passes out game?
(Watching Star Trek):
Well, why's he called Bones? (Gary: I don't know! Where have you been
for the last 30 years?) Oh, out.
Filling Tony in on what’s been
happening in Star Trek: Well, the one who
overacts has jumped through this big doughnut thing and its all gone dark,
so the chubby one and the one with the face like a sad donkey have jumped
through the doughnut as well. (Gary: Bones has crossed through the
Guardian of Forever’s time portal and interfered with the course of
history thereby eradicating the Enterprise, so Jim and Spock have gone
back into history to unfreeze time). That's what I said!
TOP
