Nick Faldo
: British
golfer
We were happily married for eight months.
Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years.
TOP
Jimmy Fallon
: US comedian
While hosting the MTV
Video Music Awards: Michael Jackson looks
great for 44, but between you and me, I think he’s had some work done.
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Colin Farrell
: Irish actor
I’m sweeter, scarier, brighter, cleaner and
dirtier than anyone knows.
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William Feather : US
author/publisher
Life
begins at 40 -- so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the
tendency to tell a story to the same person three or four times.
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Marty Feldman : British
comedian/actor
The pen is mightier than the
sword, and considerably easier to write with.
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Frederico Fellini
: Italian film
director
I always direct the same film: I can’t
distinguish one of them from another.
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W C Fields :
US actor
I am free of all prejudices. I hate
everyone equally.
On Mae West: A plumber's idea of
Cleopatra.
Start every day off with a smile and get it
over with.
I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes
I'm so steady I don't move for months.
If I had to live my life over, I'd live
over a saloon.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try
again. Then give up. No use being a damned fool about it.
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Tom Ferrie : British radio broadcaster
See the
OOPS! page.
TOP
Carrie Fisher : US
author/actress/screenwriter
There is no
point at which you can say; "Well, I'm successful now, I might as well
take a nap."
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Isla Fisher
: Australian
actress/novelist
When I was growing boobs, my brothers would say, “Nice mozzie
bites.”
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James Fleet : British actor
As Hugo Horton in The Vicar of
Dibley:
I'm Hugo. Call me …. Hugo.
…… I always sing a song my mother taught
me. When it's cold and stormy, and you're feeling a little sick, cuddle up
nice and warmy, and play with your little dick. Actually I don't think it
was my mother that taught me that. Ithink it was a boy at school.
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Calista Flockhart : US
actress
As
Ally McBeal:
(Referring to Julie Andrews):
I saw that movie. Her breasts were perky. She had little optimistic
nipples.
When guys are persistent, it's romantic,
they make movies about that. If it's a woman, then they cast Glenn Close.
You only die once!
I mean, with all due respect, you sort of
walk around with uppity breasts, and the hair flips aren't the most
subtle. And your perfume -- you could be flammable. Now what if somebody
shut you down as a safety hazard, how would you feel then? (followed
by Elaine’s “That was with all due respect?”)
We're women. We have a double standard to
live up to.
(To a stranger who bumped into her):
Hey, no don't say you're sorry when you're not sorry, you didn't even look
up and see who you bumped into. What if I was an old lady? I could have
fallen down and broken a hip. I could be lying on my back in some HMO, my
lungs filling up with phlegm till I'm on life support draining my family
of every last cent of their inheritance while I, I asphyxiate on my own
dried mucous, no don't say you're sorry when you're not sorry.
TOP
Lara
Flynn Boyle : US
actress
Referring to one-time boyfriend Jack Nicholson:
He's the chief, right? What else is there to say? It's not bad
sleeping with Einstein.
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Bridget
Fonda
: US actress
On the false boobs she wore in Quentin
Tarantino's "Jackie Brown": It was sooo great. I'd go out at night
with those fake boobs and people treated me differently. At first I
thought it was weird, but then I got into it. Man, it's amazing what
breasts do!
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Harrison Ford : US actor
On being an actor: I'm an
assistant storyteller. It's like being a waiter or a gas-station
attendant, but I'm waiting on six million people a week, if I'm lucky.
When asked “If heaven exists, what would
you want God to say to you at the Pearly Gates?” You're a lot better
looking in person.
I used to shake my head, as in 'No, I just
look like him.' But that's not fair. So I said to those little old ladies
at Treneton Airport, “Yes I am Harrison Ford”. And they still didn't
believe it was me.
I don't use any particular method. I'm from
the lets-pretend school of acting.
I’m like old shoes. I’ve never been hip. I
think the reason I’m still here is that I was never enough in fashion that
I had to be replaced by something new.
You know you're getting old when all the
names in your black book have M. D. after them.
Accepting the Hollywood Foreign Press
Association's Cecil B. DeMille Award in 2002: In anticipation of
tonight, I wrote two speeches, a long one and a short one. I'll give you
the short one: 'Thank you.' But it seems there might be enough time for
the long one as well, which is: 'Thank you very much.'
On his role as Indiana Jones: If
Steven Spielberg and George Lucas tried to replace me, first I’d tell them
to go fuck themselves. Then I’d kill them.
In Raiders of the Lost Ark:
It’s not the years, honey …. it’s the
mileage.
Snakes … why does it always have to be
snakes?
In Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade:
Fly? Yes. Land? No.
In Blade Runner:
I've had people walk out on me before, but
not when I was being so charming.
Sushi. That's what my ex-wife called me.
Cold fish.
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Jodie Foster : US actress
On her role in Taxi Driver 1976 when she
was 13: I spent four hours with a shrink trying to prove I was normal
enough to play a hooker. Does that make sense?
On the West Coast, if you have problems,
you don't talk about them. You go to the beach.
I was raised to believe that I was the
great white hope.
If I fail, at least I will have failed my
way.
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Derek Fowlds : British actor
As Bernard Woolley in Yes
Minister:
Apparently, the fact that you needed to
know was not known at the time that the now known need to know was known,
therefore those that needed to advise and inform the Home Secretary
perhaps felt the information he needed as to whether to inform the highest
authority of the known information was not yet known and therefore there
was no authority for the authority to be informed because the need to know
was not, at that time, known or needed.
It used to be said there were two kinds of
chairs to go with two kinds of Minister, one sort folds up instantly the
other sort goes round and round in circles.
Well it just says the Minister has asked me
to thank you for your letter and we say something like, the matter is
under consideration, or even if we feel so inclined, under active
consideration.
(Jim Hacker: What's the difference?) Well under consideration
means we've lost the file, under active consideration means we're trying
to find it.
Shred it? (Jim Hacker: No one must ever
be able to find it again). In that case, Minister, I think it's best
I file it.
(Jim Hacker: CGSM?) Civil Service
code, Minister. It stands for Consignment of Geriatric Shoe Manufacturers.
A load of old cobblers.
(Jim Hacker: So, the whole system is
designed to stop the cabinet from carrying out its' policies). Well
somebody's got to.
(Jim Hacker): I know exactly who reads
the papers. The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the
country. The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the
country. The Times is read by people who actually do run the country. The
Daily Mirror is read by the wives of the people who run the country. The
Financial Times is read by people who own the country. The Morning Star is
read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country.
The Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is). (Sir Humphrey:
Prime Minister, what about people who read the Sun?) Sun readers
don't care who runs the country as long as she's got big tits.
TOP
Michael J Fox
: Canadian actor
As Deputy Mayor
Mike Flaherty in Spin City:
I don't dump women! I find if I strike the right balance of
insensitivity and sexual dysfunction, they dump me.
TOP
Samantha Fox
: British model/singer
See the
OOPS! page.
TOP
Redd
Foxx : US comedian/actor
Health nuts
are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
TOP
Gerry Francis : British
footballer/manager
See the OOPS! page.
TOP
Benjamin Franklin : US
diplomat/inventor/physicist/politician/printer
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
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Martin Freeman : British comedy actor
When asked what Ricky Gervais was like to
work for: You go in early in the morning, leave in the evening, and
you've spent most of that time pissing yourself.
As Tim in The Office:
Slough’s nightlife is incredible - it’s got
two nightclubs, it’s got Chasers and New York, New York. They call it the
nightclub that never sleeps. That closes at one. There was, oh my God, a
themed nightclub called Henry the Eights. This was incredible. It had the
Anne Bol-Inn, this is true, as you went into the loo, there was a sign
that said mind your head, nice, and underneath someone had written ‘And
don’t get your Hampton Court.’ It’s not there any more. But not a day goes
by that I don’t think about it.
I don’t know where we’re going tonight.
Obviously Finchy’s a sophisticated guy, and Gareth’s a culture vulture, so
will it be opera, ballet, I don’t know. I think the RSCs in town, so er ….
having said that, at Chasers it’s Hooch for a pound and ‘Wonderbras get in
free’ night.
(Gareth: If you’re so clever, what am I
thinking now?) You’re thinking how can I kill a tiger armed only with
a biro?
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Morgan Freeman : US actor
There's no mystery to it. Nothing more
complicated than learning lines and putting on a costume.
Years ago my acting instructor told me that
in order to play age well, you had to imagine that your testicles are made
out of Christmas balls.
TOP
Dawn French
: British
comedienne/actress
If I had been around when Rubens was
painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? Well,
she would have been the paintbrush ....
We're just not drug takers, but I've been
in the company of cocaine users, and they just talk absolute bollocks.
It's not even interesting bollocks.
There are only two types of women in the
world - those who love chocolate and complete bitches.
As Geraldine in The Vicar of
Dibley:
To a picture of Jesus: Listen,
birthday boy ….
Come in if you're sexy and you love Jesus!
Well, here's to love and marriage, which go
together like a horse and carriage, according to Cole Porter, who should
know, cos he was gay ….
No, no, no, no -- or, if I'm honest, yes.
(That's what Christmas is all about,
isn't it? Love). Yes. That and overeating till you spew.
You can't have too many gherkins at a
wedding.
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Sigmund
Freud
:
Austrian (Czech-born)
psychiatrist/psychologist/founder of psychoanalysis
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
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Max Frisch
: Swiss dramatist/novelist
Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to
experience it.
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Robert
Frost : US poet
By
working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss
and work twelve.
TOP
Stephen Fry : British
comedian/actor
My Hungarian grandfather was the kind of
man that could follow someone into a revolving door and come out first.
In Who’s Who, listing
his interests: Smoking, drinking,
swearing and pressing wild flowers.
On Have I Got News For
You:
When asked about his friendship with
Prince Edward: I have not penetrated Prince Edward's intimate circle.
TOP
Linda
Furney : US
Senator
If it has
tyres or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
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