Clint Eastwood
: US actor/director/former mayor of Carmel, California
I
tried being reasonable, I didn't like it.
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon
as I learn what it is I'll get married again.
We boil at different degrees.
In Dirty Harry:
I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only
five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost
track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun
in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask
yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya punk?
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Paul Eddington
: British actor
As MP Jim Hacker in
Yes Minister:
We will economise on the beaches.
Another leak? This isn't a department, it's a colander.
This is the greatest disaster this century Bernard.
(Bernard: There were two world wars Minister). Oh Bernard come on,
fighting on the beaches is one thing, evicting cuddly animals and children
to make room for tax inspectors cars is quite another league.
(Sir Humphrey: I gather that there's an airborne
battalion in the air). Sounds like the right
place for it.
Do you think there'll be boos? (Bernard: Oh, bound to
be, we don't have to pay for it). I mean boos, boos, hiss.
Another brief on the select committee? I only just
mastered one on the plane coming back. (Sir Humphrey: Oh really, what
was in it?) Um. So difficult to concentrate on a plane, they keep
trying to serve you drinks and show you movies ... and wake you up.
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Thomas Edison
: US inventor
Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine
percent perspiration.
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Adrian Edmonson
: British comedian/writer/actor/director
As Vyvyan Bastard in
The Young Ones:
You can't clean the toilet, Neil! It'll lose
all its character!
Neil, let's not beat around the bush -- are you going to
make supper, or am I going to kick your teeth in?
As Dick in
The Comic Strip’s ’Five Go Mad In Dorset’:
(George
[Dawn French]: It's stupid being a girl. I wish I was a boy).
Oh really, George it's about time you gave up thinking you're as good as a
boy. I mean Anne's just a girl but she doesn't mind, do you, Anne?
(George: Yes she was a sweet old
thing, gave us some cold turkey and ham, heaps of tomatoes, hard-boiled
eggs, bags of lettuce and lashing of ginger beer!)
Oh wizard!
As Eddie Hitler in
Bottom:
This is a sex shop, isn't it?
(Manager: Yes). I'll have five quid's worth then!
(Richie, referring to a
possible burglary: Listen, don't panic, but I think we've got some trouble
downstairs).
Well, that's no reason to wake me up. Just change your underpants and see
the doctor in the morning.
(Richie: Eddie, are you
seriously suggesting that we murder this poor defenceless burglar without
any trial or anything just so we can live the high-life in the Bahamas).
Yes.
(Richie: Eddie, how do I
look?) You
use your eyeballs, don't you?
Eddie, are you packed?
(Certainly am. Never had any complaints).
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Derek Edwards
: Canadian comedian
I'm the second-most-famous person from Timmins, Ontario -
after Shania Twain. That's like being the second-most-famous person from
Bethlehem. No one cares about Duncan of Bethlehem.
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Albert Einstein
:
German-Amercian physicist
When a man sits with a
pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot
stove for a minute - and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity.
It is a miracle that
curiosity survives formal education.
If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and
expecting different results.
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Britt Ekland
: Swedish actress & one time wife of Peter Sellers
The ideal man doesn't exist. A husband is
easier to find.
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T
S Eliot
:
American-English
poet/playwright/literary critic/editor
The years between
fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do
things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.
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Linda Ellerbee
: US journalist/tv producer/author
If men can run the
world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to
start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
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Ben Elton
: British comedian/novelist/playwright/scriptwriter
As night follows day, if you drink lager ... you
will end up on Kentucky Fried Chicken.
I did not vote Labour because they've heard of Oasis and
nobody is going to vote Tory because William Hague has got a baseball cap.
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Eminem :
US rap artist
I would rather
have a baby through my penis than get married again.
Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't be
violent. Leave that to me.
I don't like rap anyways, I'm just trying to get my porno
career started.
See also the OOPS!
page.
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Harry Enfield
: British comedian/actor
About ten years ago I appeared on Wogan as myself.
The next day a man came up to me in the street and said, “You're Harry
Enfield, aren't you? I love your characters! Stavros cracks
me up and as for Loadsamoney - he's the biz! But I saw you on Wogan
last night - you're a right prat in real life, aren't you?”
From his
tv shows:
As Tim Nice-But-Dim:
Bloody good bloke. Used to beat me everyday. I'm eternally
grateful to him for that of course. Made me the man I am today.
(At Tim’s school reunion, answering the Headmaster):
Er - "Nice But Dim, T.", sir. '73 to '77. Then retake '78 to '84. Great
friends with Piers Nothing Between The Ears.
As Smashie:
I love the Wombles, er, they really were great in a sort of
'short programme before the news' type way. And ah, I think we've all got
a little bit of the Womble in us haven't we, and I'll bet you've got a bit
of the womble in you, ain'tcha Nicey?
As Mr You-Don't-Want-To-Do-That:
Now I do not believe you wanted to do that.
As Mr Greyson:
Women – know your limits!
As Frank Doberman of The Self Righteous Brothers:
But... if she come an'
sat next to me, put a blue movie on the video, an' started
rubbin' 'er 'and up an' down my leg, lickin' my ear'ole suggestively?
I should say, "OI! PARKER-BOWLES! NO! I admire your
tight-lipped response to the press, and the fact you ain't afraid
to dress your age (mutton dressed as mutton), but you've already
ruined Wales' marriage - you ain't gonna ruin MINE! TAKE YER
'AND OFF MY LEG, YOU STUCK-UP,
TOFFEE-NOSED, HORSE- FACED BITCH!
Oh, yes. Pavarotti's good. Domingo's good. Carreras ain't
bad fer a short- arse. But in the world o' singing, the biscuit really 'as
to go to Inglesias.
I mean, I admire Como. But if I saw 'im, drivin'
along, an' there's a bus in front of 'im, indicatin' to pull out,
an' Como ignores it, drives straight past, causing the bus
to brake, I'd be up there like a shot! I'd say, "OI! COMO! NO!"
THIS IS NOT ONE O' YER "MAGIC MOMENTS". A
BUS 'AS RIGHT OF W-A-Y!
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John Entwistle
: British bass player in The Who
Let’s just
say I know how to make any band sound like The Who.
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Melissa Etheridge :
US guitarist/singer/songwriter
On Brad Pitt: One night a few
of us, shall we say, lesbians, were in the hot tub watching the guys play
basketball in the pool. We were staring at Brad and we all agreed he could
change a woman's mind.
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Bob Ettinger
: US comedian
Relationships are
hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your
boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two
weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you,
they should have to find you a temp.
TOP
Chris Eubank :
British boxer
See the OOPS!
page.
TOP
Linda Evangelista
: Canadian model
See the
OOPS! page.
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Edith Evans
: British actress
When a woman
behaves like a man, why doesn’t she behave like a nice man?
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Rupert Everett
: British actor
I'm a sex machine to both genders. It's all
very exhausting. I need a lot of sleep.
I like being Rupert Everett but I’d also like
to be a muscular black billionaire hip-hop singer.
I wouldn’t mind being an old git in a massive house on the
shores of Lake Geneva. Then I’d like to die suddenly and have millions of
people weep at my televised funeral.
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